I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize