she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
