Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
