I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think my fart just growled at me.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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