If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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