she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
