I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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