tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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