That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
