well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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