i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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