My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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