i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
