wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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