I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
