Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize