If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
