Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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