Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
