the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
