Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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