Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
