We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
