I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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