she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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