I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
