ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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