the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
