i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
