At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
