Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
