Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
