I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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