Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
