If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
