How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
