Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
