She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
