I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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