I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Green mimosas i think yes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
