My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
