Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
