Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
