i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
