Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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