end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
