peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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