I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
