Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
