Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's shark week go big or go home
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
