I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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